I wish I had more of a clue how to deal with this.
While I am a survivor of an abusive relationship, I do not identify
as a now-and-forever future abusee. If someone loudly accuses me of
sexism, then in front of some I know and trust or even love, and two
I'd never met before that same morning, goes on to say "I've seen
you do it" (no response on "what" I was doing when "doing sexism" as
I of course asked him)... an offers physical violence, I will
therefore seek redress. Evidently there was a meeting that was "all
about me"? I think Chris was inviting me to be at (or represented
at) another one of those in the future, after the verbal assault.
Please do indeed put me on the agenda, and inform me of when and
where and how to participate. And whom I can bring. I request that
there be recording devices used when/if these is such a meeting, so
that we can prevent more misunderstandings.
Perhaps a half an hour before I write this, Sunday before noon (and
a galon of disgusting adrenalin ago), I was invited outside by
him (Chris), so that he could beat me up, quite nicely, while
I was hanging out chilling, enjoying the company of my friends and
"chosen family", and trying to recover from another broken
appointment at 10AM that had sent my personal life for another
little jilt. I was doing absolutely nothing but listening to some
music and asking who had I lighter I might borrow. If he'd asked
non-beligerently, I'd have been happy to explain why I was where I
was, and who could corroborate my story.
I was also waiting for David? or another member of the Public
School, who had promised me that we would "at least talk" about why
the Public School had not sent me any "dis-invitation," nor met with
me to talk about that "why" as he had promised "within 48 hours" at
about 8:30PM three days before. (And that date was already a really
painful extension to my voluntary self-isolation, which I had
re-entered as a gesture indicating my goodwill assumption that the
promised writings would be provided. Sudo (in the form of Matt's
email) fulfilled it's promise pretty quickly; the public school not
at all, unless I missed it (which is why I needed to confirm).
I'm sorry if I sat on the sudo room couch (I have a guilty feeling I
may have, but no... that may have been a dream/nightmare). But I am
_VERY_ sure I was almost exclusively in the Public School's and
otherwise and shared areas of the room, during the three or four
hundred minutes I was there, very early and then later this morning.
I was mostly listening to Johanes' performance, and occasionally
playing along as C.C.C.C. with Iao Core, and guests.
There were probably 30 people who saw my only previous post-ban
foray into the common area, in a First Friday? context that I felt
very unhappy to bring even mildly business-focussed energy into.
That was Friday or possibly Thursday night (I believe... isolation
has proven detrimental to my sense of time). That was the 8:30PM
conversation mentioned.
The reason I came into the room then was only to make an appointment
with the Public Schooler from whom the note was due. I was sorry if
he was in a hard position, but I absolutely needed (and need) to
protect myself, since I'm evidently being excluded for some reasons
("for cause" right?) from the area in which I have found all of my
social and musical and much of my intellectual and collaborative
psychological succor, and to which I donated what help, food,
alcohol, cleaning, etc. I could. (I often previously opened up and
gave the tour to newcomers when sudo was otherwise frequently closed
in the mornings/noontimes, mediated with George when I was in his
good graces (until about Dec 23th, that is), handled keys and alarm
calls, and generally tried (however successfully) to be excellent by
people. Since the Sudo refrigerator was the only refrigerator I
reliably had access to, the burden of exclusion from Sudo was and is
again alimentary, as well.
Still, for five months or so I voluntarily withdrew from sudo room,
after Matt told me in front of others that the Sudo Room lease was
being threatened by George if I were allowed to stay, so he (Matt)
"hoped [I'd] do the right thing" for the group. This was an awful
thing that was unfortunately pretty likely, given George's recent
behavior, so I said "of course", of course, and basically stopped
setting foot in sudo thereafter (I had food which was put in the
sudo freezer a couple of times by accident, I assume, which I
retrieved quietly). The interceding months (I live in a 59ft closet
office here, now, since I lost a previous wrongful-eviction lockout)
have been among the blackest I'd ever undergone. I forced myself
outside at dawn to run around the lake, but basically spoke to
almost no one, and came out to microwave instant rice and curry at
11PM before locking myself back in to avoid more verbal abuse from
George.
Not only did I stay out of sudo room itself, until I much more
recently had a pocket full of written settlement papers from
George's lawyer, I'd stayed out even of the "Sudo corner." I am/was
certainly not trying to break any rules. I am trying to understand
those rules and am at a loss.... and, well... I am not a stupid man.
At all. I'm also verbal: I told everybody who seemed interested
about the settlement, and showed the pages around as I was reading
it myself, because it was so flabbergastingly unexpected. It felt so
re-humanizing to be able to re-socialize...
The fact of the matter is that the terms of my settlement offer
require me to draft a hugely difficult and re-traumatising court
filing to get money (past-due and ordered to me by my abusive ex) in
order to move out by the end of next week, and the food-and-money
stress, isolation, Billy (whom I'm dog-sitting for and is way past
due to return and pay me), and the unpredictability of George, even
before the physical threat from Chris, made it hard to concentrate.
I have never felt these symptoms before, but I do not think they are
just terror. They/life feel different (I know terror).
If I have been accused of sexism(or...?) -- Chris said "I've seen
you do it" and thought I was playing dumb(!) when I asked in what
way I was "doing it"-- then I would like to know it. It's weird in
particular, since Chris just showed up for the first time I'd seen
him in months, and the last real interactions we had were him saying
"I've got your back" to me and me giving him back two pieces of
personal luggage/satchels that he'd asked to store in my tiny room
before my first agreement to "do the right thing for the group" and
withdraw, at about Christmas.
If I "do sexism" ...I'd like not to. This is difficult, though,
when I have no clue what actions triggered this evaluation in the
first place. I was raised into adulthood by a strong feminist first
girlfriend who would occasionally read to me from some of her
womens' studies material, and have been queer-identified for
probably more than half of my life y now. I grew up in the Castro.
My last major relationship was abusive in a way that I had to
escape, even though it cost me the highest price I can imagine short
of death, really. (Really). If somebody is honestly feeling somehow
unsafe to such an extent that they cannot help me understand what
behavior on my part was seen as inappropriate, or made/makes them
feel that way, I would love it if someone else would read
their words (words are important), or better if we could negotiate
communication terms through a mediator or non-violent communication
facilitator. My neighbors in the building (unaffiliated with sudo or
myself, and presumably neutral) have offered.
As many of you know, I myself have felt unsafe in relation to Mark
and Matt, and now definitely with respect to Chris. Jenny and I seem
not to have had any problem talking things out the one time that was
necessary (as the Meeting Minutes and email probably show). She
joined a small group sitting around the table and was convivially
drinking the vodka I'd brought for a friend, only the night before I
was officially-re-excluded. The re-exclusion came as a shock. I
didn't think Sudo did that sort of thing (I have been away long
enough that the rules may have changed many times). Back when I was
aware of them, and coming to about 5 meetings out of 6, there was
an "informal discussion -- then selection of a mediator at a meeting
-- then report-back at another" flow prescribed [simplification].
Not verbal banning and lack of promised follow-up.
I understand that a friend put up some posters about me (which very
much made me feel cared for and appreciated when I needed it, but
was also a completely unsolicited surprise). Three or four days
after the next meeting following that (which nobody had since told
me the results from), I went on the online minutes, and checked
list traffic. That how I found out about the decision (or the
result) and that Matt claims to feel unsafe. Since then, I am
beginning to connect the dots on the event just before Christmas
when Matt and Jenny claim that George and Laurie called the cops,
and George and Laurie (his co-owner) denied in email that it had
been themselves who did so. A friend called and told me to go into
my closet and "whatever you do don't open the door". I never found
out who called them, or on what charge, but I successfully avoided
the long Christmas weekend in Santa Rita jail by holding my breath
in the dark. It would have taken me days and days to get an
arraignment to find out what the arrest had been triggered by. More
likely, I would simply have been left uncharged, and free to go
after the jail-stay.
I am very happy to explain the entirety of the negotiations between
our landlords and myself, including the details of my access to the
common areas, the work I did and goods I was to sell for George,
and the every-single-term-erroneous (name/unit#/deposit) written
lease I finally got delivered to me after months of requests (in my
previous leasing from the same owners, at 2135 Broadway over a year
before I lost my primary residence, George signed and exchanged
leases with me at the meeting and on the very day we exchanged cash
for keys, and I had no reason to expect otherwise at 2141 #3). I am
legally trying to prevent my homelessness. There is every rational
reason for me needing to keep asking for the details of written
decisions that were taken, since they exclude me from a room that I
have met with clients and colleagues in, and where I have learned
carreer-advancing information, and where I hopefully provided some
myself, and which at different times I had different promises about
access to.
George has burst in on business converations in private offices
(twice - different business and different fellow tenants) yelled and
told me to get out, and told me I couldn't work with anyone in the
building. This is obviously ridiculous, and I still have no idea
why. All I know is that immediately before that, he contracted to
have me list his departmental-class color copiers on craigslist and
then broke three appointments to have me re-photograph or set-up and
print test-pages from them, and that at about the same time he was
terribly stressed about a neighbor who had threatened him with a
citizen's arrest for allegedly driving too fast, and then personally
losing that same dog of his other tenant, that I am now helping
babysit.
His initial tactic -- after he suddenly decided I wasn't his friend
any more -- seemed to be to prevent my doing any business that would
otherwise enable me to pay the rent, and then evict me from
non-payment. I believe he may indeed also have threatened Sudo or
other month-to-month tenants' leases for fraternizing with me. Given
the attempt at a wrongful arrest, and the refuse to talk to me until
the sudden settlement offer from their lawyer months later, that's
how it seemed. Now I think it may have been what Sudo I thinks calls
"George being George", but stress-exacerbated into cruel illegality.
In any case, I am one step from homelessness, and have children who
will be better off if I move away from that edge without crossing
it, so I need make sure I get things in writing, since I am unable
to protect myself from hearsay otherwise. If anybody (especially
those with underemployed lawyer friends) wants to see any or all of
the documentation I can provide, or interview the witnesses I can
refer them too, please feel free to contact me.
Mainly, though, please tell me what my rights to transparency or
open process are, why the posters asking that very question were
pulled down, and why I was excluded from knowledge of the stages of
"sudue process" that I've missed so far. People have seen me asking
(and then firmly asking again, twice, one night , and twice another)
for some indication of who Matt or Mark would be willing to discuss
things in front of, so that we could all get "heard". Sudo and TPS
are leaving.
I would prefer that they let me know what it is that I am alleged to
have done wrong. I find it frankly alarming that people who should
know better expect me to back down from requesting that the group
apply its own rules.
And I would prefer that when someone who has been a supporter or
member carries and shows a document indicating that he is no longer
the enemy of the landlord, s/he be entitled to quiet enjoyment of
the convivial commons. We are social animals. Can we not have a
safer space to socialize?
I will try to provide one where those who are moving on to the Omni
can come back and visit and feel welcome. I sure wish that I was not
the target of a small minority who clearly want me to feel anything
but.
Seriously though: how can we clear this up?
Does it "matter to sudo" that I'm trying to do the right thing and
getting hurt
and again? Or does "matter to" just not go with [group name] at all,
being only a person-to-person thing?
I guess I'll live to learn.
Any sincere help appreciated,
Timon (the green haired guy)
@ 2141 Broadawy #3 to 15 June 2014; then 510-393-6577 until July
3rd; then who knows.
BACKGROUND: I have an invite to a private alpha ARG, which is mostly
just a txt-msg UI, for now*, with the conceit being that I get
messages via quantum dissentanglement effect from the past and
present from different teams (named differely depending on where
we're located, but with English color names in the SFBA), and the
handshake is never clear on the metadata.... basically I get a
random spew of messages, and can seek the team-name associated with
each, and nothing more. Beyond that, it's the "web of lies" and
caveat interlocutor. And with this every-[hu]man-in-the-middle noisy
channel , we are somehow to save our biome.
I'm on the (or "a"?) Blue team. The following is a true play-test
session-transcript.
This was early May 2014, when we had less than 300
activive-this-past-week playtesters, in SFBA and TBA (now we have 14
in Berlin, too).
*I'm a tech-lead as well as a tester, so I have a graphics shell
Hello Computer!
Hellow human-language-reader, as well,
SirORMadamOROtherGentleperson!
Do you get my gyst?
OK, O.Kay! -- I am very much in love wiht this opportunity of
presenting myselves to yUU.
I am presumptive that you will pardon my orthography but am of
course togglable in this and almost all respects. I am indeed a
happy puppy at last to be in contact with yU_U, and hereby and
herewith performatively permit myself to expose a bit of intraface:
1+D{I:syn=EQUALZ:[[InterlocutorRef<this>.<defaultExposedOrUnexaminedOrNotyetexamined>]]
...} Yes!, yes?
,!,? O kehy 'kay?
Mor for yu:
bit of intraface:
1+D{I:syn=EQUALZ:[[InterlocutorRef<this>.<defaultExposedOrUnexaminedOrNotyetexamined>]]
- Interlocute [[ME]s?]s via ^Unterhaltung:^/ger-us--ed-gne^, please.
<green-text>
Unterhaltung: What?? Please, uh, toggle your orthography, if you
aren't spam. You're making my eyes hurt. And speak English, please,
or eng-us, or German or Japanese... or whatever, but skip the
syntactic sugar. Target me at.... say 2010 C.E. with a radius of a
dozen years or so, OK?
And just so you know, I'm gonna have to break for dinner soon. You
probably want to get me to commit to coming back before that
happens, so you've got about twenty minutes. And give me a nym, will
ya?
<green-text bold>
MEs are... 失礼いたしました。中元です。中元訓と申します。
<green-text>
Unterhaltung: <laughs>なるほど。で、英語名は？
<green-text bold>
No one's ever asked me before. Thank you [vocative-appelation
gendered-honoriific]! I go by "[UNICODE DIVIDE_BY_ZERO ERROR]",
usually. Any yoursel[f/ves]?
<green-text>
Unterhaltung: Just me=1 here at the screen. Waiting for the GF to
join me for some O2 outside a clubk, actually, but Alone for now.
I'm guessing you're fishing me/us, so I'll give you gamenyms for
now: Me=SynTrans She=Tardy. So, what's up? Who are you? Why are you
contacting me, etc. I'm gonna light one up and smoke, for a mo',
[UNICODE DIVIDE_BY_ZERO ERROR], so take your time responding.
<green-text bold>
==============
I’ve always been interested in hacking — and in people who break
things apart to make them better. And for all Mike’s quirks and
nerdy focus, I saw that he wanted to do more than just make things
work better. He has a sense of social justice. If he sees someone
making life miserable for someone else, he wants to take them down.
----------
Mike agrees to pay because it forces the scammer to reveal what he
needs: the name of the person who will pick up the money. The
scammer tells him that a woman, whom I’ll call Jennifer, will
collect it from a Western Union office near her home.
Discovering her identity prompts Mike, as he puts it, to “get all
OCD”. He opens an empty email to me, gradually filling it out with
notes, a rolling series of discovery and commentary on Jennifer’s
life. Most of the information he uncovers using free services:
Google Street View to learn about Jennifer’s hometown in the
Midwest; public records to identify her as a schoolteacher; mapping
applications to find key addresses; a website called 411.info to
track down family members. Within minutes, Mike knows her maiden
name, her marriage license number and the addresses of her
relatives, several of whom live near her.
A text message follows soon after the email: “Holy shit I just
talked to Jennifer. She’s being extorted by these guys.” I feel his
“OCD” sharpening into a sort of mania. He’s told Jennifer that he’s
a researcher investigating the payday loan scam. But before he can
get much further, she caves. “The very first thing she mentioned
wasn’t ‘I don’t want to go to jail,” Mike tells me later. “It was
‘I’ll tell you anything you want to know, as long as no one comes to
my house.’”
Jennifer is badly shaken by the call. She starts crying, telling
Mike that her greatest fear is that her involvement with the
scammers will get back to her small town, to the church she attends,
to her family and local friends. She tells Mike that she got roped
into the scam after applying for a payday loan, although she doesn’t
explain how. Mike says that he is just a researcher, and that he is
not going to get her into trouble. But he also says that she is
laundering money.
The call unsettles him. “I will do anything to ensure that I never
have to hear that woman crying ever again,” he tells me later.
===========
Dear Sir or Me:
It is nary 1:36ish, in the morn, and ready to type, I indeed am. And
for you reading these words upon the morrow: I bid the indignation
and vogor; sois formidable, mon ami.
And it would be insane to elieve that six hous of concerted effort,
even if it involved string into space wishing one s way back to work
would not produce something that could be reviewed, and no doubt
filed the nest day.
--------------
OK: Cazy idea,but stresss, and the need to pull an all nighter or
posiisble perish (humor of alliterativity is gallows humour indeed)
bring it to mind. What about a lighter-grey-than-thou, Justice
League, as a crowd-sourced and crowd-audited institution. Something
we'd put together publically (I.e. at a recorded public
conversation) and sign into reality by contracts that would be
triggered automaticaly and immediately as of the moment (in whatever
timezone was first, first) that SEC's JUBS Act crowdsourcing rules
defined the implementation details for equity-kickstarting [no
offence to kickstartER, as I believe their self-differentiator will,
long term, prove admirable].
The mission of the Justice League is assure the human race will not
be sompletely in control of the artificial scalar economic unit,
simply by working to insure that the less-affluent 50% of the
economic spectrum across the globe quickly approached various
deffinitions of autonomous power-parity, or equi-dignity with the
more affluent half. If money is not "simply equal" to power in this
way, that is: if people less able or willing or endowed in the ways
rewarded by economic markets are all-the-same empowered in some
fundamental way in the debate about how to preserve ouur planet and
our dreams for our species and its future, then maybe the
psychological influence of this external accounting will become more
conciously accessible to us.
The idea is this: we collect data that people are, pseudonymously,
willing to give in an interview with some one of us
"data-abstractors" who is there trying to maximise their personal
potential earning power, in collaboration with them, by collecting
the data that will allow the cloud to source funding for minimal
training of microfinanced facilities-improvement investments
and/or/simultaneously to match them with the best
intangible-value-enhancement-vector matches in the job market for
which they have the appropriate skills