For the record - I did attend Saturday's meeting, but this decision was made in a closed session of delegates. I did not know it would happen, was not in the room, and felt a lot of strong emotions when I heard the news. Jamal actually called a 10 minute break because I had tears running down my face, despite trying to maintain composure.

I felt some sadness, grief, guilt, anxiety, pity, shock. But I have to be honest - the strongest feelings were relief and gratitude, that someone else made a tough decision when I was unable to.

I begged Jake on Thursday to show up for these meetings. He refused, worrying that it was all a plan to villainize and scapegoat him. I promised I wouldn't let that happen.

Did I keep my promise? I think so. Because I now realize this is not about Jake's guilt or innocence at all. It's not a purge, a struggle session, a trial or a conviction. It's setting a boundary to protect the project from sustained disruption.

The way Jake has treated Jamal is just a microcosm of the whole problem here. AIUI he made a relatively minor error - he tried to lecture Jamal about the perspectives of other Black people, in a way that minimized Jamal's own agency as a Black person. Jamal called him on it. Rather than owning his mistake or showing empathy, Jake instead decided to double down, defend the purity of his own self image, and then complain about Jamal to everyone else, questioning his motives, his competence, spreading conspiracy theories and more. It didn't have to be the end of the world or such a deep rupture, but because of Jake's intransigence, it was.

When you step on my toes by accident, even if I am in a lot of pain, I don't want to cancel you. Rather, I want you to acknowledge my pain, to continue sharing the same universe as me, the one where we agree it happened. But if you refuse, and instead retreat into a fantasy reality where I'm lying, I'm too sensitive, I made the whole thing up, I'm just out to get you, now what? An unnecessary social rupture has occurred, and at its root is your inability to see my humanity.

It's easy enough to say you support anti racism and Black liberation in the abstract. To be nice and friendly to new people from a comfortable position of power and privilege, as long as they don't rock the boat. The real test is whether you can accept criticism of that power, step down from your tower of pretend infallibility, and share social space as equals.

A lot of people are beyond tired of concerns about racism needing to be paraded by a panel of dismissive white people before it's accepted as legitimate. This system is not working. If consensus fails and our experiment at alternative governance fails, it's because of racism - because of people talking about non hierarchy and challenging power, while being totally unable or unwilling to see the blatant racial power structure before their eyes.

I care about Jake and it's been so distressing to see him causing this much harm, while not seeming to care about anything but his own self image and reputation. It's painful to see him struggling in the wrong direction and see all his energy go into making the situation worse for himself, not better. And it's incredibly sad to see people here immediately taking sides and talking about vetoing this temporary ban, without even asking who wanted it or why. Just spreading more conspiracy theories and pearl clutching. It's really saying fuck you to a lot of people.Nobody at this weekend's meetings was trying to "seize the building's equity". Everybody involved is trying to save the building and make sure it never ever gets sold off. The meetings weren't closed - you were all invited, but none of the people complaining here chose to show up, except Eric, who was only there for less than an hour and barely even engaged or looked people in the eye.