Re: [sudo-discuss] [BAPS-Organizing] Re: [omni-consensus] Backspace Space proposal

Hi Omni friends, I feel like I have had a hard morning and I wanted to take Lynice Pinkard’s advice from her BAPS class “Training Spiritual Warriors” and tell what is difficult to tell. I will let you know up front that one of my expectations of the Omni community is one of mutual support, both of individuals and of participating groups. What does that mean? TBD for us as a group (I think we should discuss it!). For me, I'm hoping the rest of this email will come close to shedding light on this - it's hard to figure out on my own what the answer would be. So here goes: I feel like ever since I put up the Backspace proposal yesterday, there was flurry of email activity that I personally found both stressful and demoralizing. I feel like email is not the best place for this conversation, and that proposals should be simply taken back to groups for discussion, not vetted on email. That would be my wish. I know that there are others who disagree. A few emails let me know, ahead of an in-person discussion, that they were against the proposal. I heard Helen from FNB say in the last meeting (or one before?) that she felt that a certain FNB proposal was dead before it even came to the meeting, due to the email response. I feel very similar, and I feel exhausted by this. My stress levels are through the roof, and despite the fact that I have many other non-Omni things on my plate, I feel pre-occupied with this conversation. I actually had a BACK SPASM while emailing all of you last night. That’s really not a good sign. The irony of this in light of the fact that it’s all about starting a wellness collective should not go by any of us. Why should I (and others, I assume) feel this way? I feel like I need to express that I don't feel like this promotes a community of mutual care. This kind of stress and feeling of hopelessness is NOT what this project is about. It's not mutual aid. I can hear imaginary responses to this in my mind and they go something like this: Sara, this is just you. It's your problem, not the problem of the email lists or the Omni. If that is akin to a response any of you might put forward, I would wholeheartedly disagree ahead of time. And I would say that as a community project we are compelled to look head-on at issues and feelings such as these, even if the issues are murky, raised by members. I’m calling this out with all due respect to the Omni as whole. I have great love for all of you and for this project. But great love requires honesty, trust, and the willingness to move through difficulty. That is the spirit of this email. Walking in a daze to work this morning, I asked myself, why do I even want to teach yoga at the Omni? Is this feeling I’m feeling worth it? Here is what I came up with. Some reasons are political, some personal, others general: a) * I believe in community wellness that is AFFORDABLE. As someone who herself cannot afford much of the wellness services in Oakland, this has become increasingly important to me. This is my connection to Backspace and it’s mission. I pre * I prefer to work communally with others, in a way that "one that privileges a more equitable commoning of resources and meeting of human needs over private interests or corporate profit." b) * I have a skill that I can offer, and have not yet offered at the Omni, via yoga. Yoga is really important to me, which many of my Omni friends might not realize. It is a moving meditation, allows for release of emotional and psychological stress, allows the body to both strengthen and relax and increases immune function. It is a way that I have personally dealt with anxieties, fears, and weakness. It is one way to assist in survival in what can be an overwhelming and difficult world. That is, it helps me to be able to do my work in the world and my hope is that I can extend that to others. c) * I believe in the Omni as a radical community space. I could go on and on about this, but I’ll just keep it basic. I’ve been working towards this kind of space in my life for years. I love it with all of my heart. d) * On a personal level, I need a second source of income so that I can send myself back to school in the Spring. I have no financial miracles on my horizon, and plan to use any money I make teaching yoga to return to school. I'd like to support our community and also be able to support myself, my aspirations and dreams, which I will then in turn return back into enriching the community. I’m looking forward to tonight’s discussion of “what is a commons”. To me, a commons is a space for dialogue, learning and mutual care. It’s not just a space that can be occupied. It’s not just for sitting in a nearly empty room with a computer or having a space to sleep on the couch, although those things can happen there too. More-so, I believe “commoning” means ACTIVE PARTICIPATION, a going-towards togetherness, a breathing organism that is attentive to its own collective breath, in other words, attentive to itself as an organism. It is attentive to itself as “offering”. “Commons” is the space in which that participation and going-towards togetherness becomes material. It answers *where*. And this is our question as a culture. Where can these things happen? To me, the use of the den as part-time Backspace / part-time Commons offers the best of all worlds. Backspace will be able to do its work towards community wellness and care with classes, herbs, massages, meditative practices, martial arts, and much more. Backspace needs to know that we have a significant amount of ACCESS (different than USE) to that room. The sharing of a room with Backspace and Commons IS RADICAL. My “offering” is yoga. I would like to see my Omni friends be able to offer as well. I know that I haven’t answered many of the questions that have come up on this thread. The reason for that is a) I feel overwhelmed by them b) I’m fighting feeling defensive since that is not how I want to engage with this conversation c) I’m fighting feeling disappointment and some anger about responses (and this is before we even sit together to talk in person) d) it would be easier, faster, more productive and likely more mutually supportive to each other to answer these questions in person I’m looking forward to seeing you all tonight, and to talking in person. Solidarity, love, Sara On Thu, Oct 16, 2014 at 10:05 AM, Laura Turiano <scylla(a)riseup.net> wrote: -- Let us be together, Let us eat together, Let us be vital together, Let us be radiating truth, radiating the light of life, Never shall we denounce anyone, never entertain negativity. -- The Upanishads